even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
