Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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