Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
