I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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