just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
