she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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