What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
