I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
