apparently the secret to your success is patron
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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