No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
