it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
