Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
