I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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