I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
