are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
