The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You ruined the universe
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
