Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
