then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
