Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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