i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
