I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
