I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Green mimosas i think yes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
