Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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