i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
