dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
