im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
