If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
