so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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