dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
