I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
