i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
