I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
