I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
