I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
