so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
