If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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