when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
