3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
