clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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