you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
