I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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