i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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