Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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