I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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