Redeem this text for a blowjob
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
