I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
