and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
