He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
