I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
