i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
