im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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